Fish's Story

I think I am beyond anyone's help. I'm schitzophrenic and very very sad right now. My boyfriend just split up with me. He was the first person I ever loved. It was completely out of the blue, with the reason "it didn't feel right." That's ok. That's fine. Just out of the blue hurt. I feel bad.

So I got drunk. I am a little drunk now. I love him so much.I had that real love that is so hard to find sometimes.

And I want to die. I want to die normally, because sometimes this voice that appears to me gets to much. I want to die because I feel I have no friends. I want to die because I don't like my life. I hate my life. I do not like it at all. Every day is a battle of survival. I almost killed myself on the way home. I walked into a busy road. No cars hit me. I hated that. I was angry at that.

And I miss him. I was always so nice to him. The only thing I was ever horrible to him about was when he took an ecstacy tablet. That scared me. I don't want any of my friends doing anything like that.

We had this phone call. It hurt so much. I told him what love is. I hoped he listened.

A guy called Richie was being horrible to me about it. He is supposed to be a friend. He got a little drunk and started calling me "Mrs. Graham" (Graham being my boyfriends name). I needed him to hug me. I wanted him.

I want him back.

But I am going to go. I have to do something so I at least survive the night.

I wish it was easier.

Back to the main depression section